If this is your theme song you might just be “friends.”

“Have you ever met a girl that you tried to date / But a year to make love she wanted you to wait / Let me tell ya a story of my situation… You, you got what I need but you say he’s just a friend / And you say he’s just a friend, oh baby / You, you got what I need but you say he’s just a friend / But you say he’s just a friend, oh baby / You, you got what I need but you say he’s just a friend / But you say he’s just a friend”

Just A Friend by Biz Markie

Do not be the cling-on, you know the guy whose like the lint ball on you shirt that you can’t get ride of. Basically a “guy friend” is the guy with the Clark Kent / Peter Parker / Nerd complex aka I’m to nerdy to find a date but “I’m your best friend and your super hero in disguise.” Your the guy who says “I won’t hurt you like all the other men you date, you know the bad boys who crush you after the crush is over.” A “guy friend” is a “guy” who is sensitive and emotional, who watches chick flicks with her, tries to be sensitive to her feelings, listens to her gossip and acts interested, is there for her to call and talk to anytime she call he’s always there for a shoulder to cry on.

What Is The Friend Category?
The friend category, is the place a guy who likes a girl he’s friends with but acts shy puts himself as a friend in hopes its a door to dating but gets pigeon holed and can’t get out. Well I’m offering some help how to avoid and get out of that category. I’ve ministered to some men or “man-boys” who wanted my help on this topic who have went on to dating and marriage. Recently my wife suggested I share with my readers the advice because many more need help that just those I’ve ministered to. So here is my advice to you upon consulting with my wife and others on what women really want and what these “man-boy” “friends” are and how they get there. I was raised by a single mother along with my sister so I’ve considered myself understanding of women yet I’ve never been in the “friend” category because I have lived what I’m about to tell you. My advice comes with some understanding and advice from someone who has not let himself get stuck in the friend category, in Elementary and High School and even Bible School. I did feel like I had that Peter Parker / Clark Kent complex where I was too “shy” and felt like I struggled with the emotional connection in relationships like Clark did with Lana and Peter had with Mary-Jane (The girl not the plant). I never crossed into the friend category, I just started hanging with friends from other schools and started dating there friends, it was a way I could be outgoing and not worry about what people at my school thought. I had some school crushes that came with that teenage angst you read about in the comic books but I found a way out. I don’t recommend that for everyone, its what I did, so I could stay “shy” at school where I went and get the girls. Don’t ask me why I wanted to do that or be that way, I don’t know I’m not a psychologist but it did work.

Avoid The Pitfalls
Survey says: according to women and my informed opinion the “Friend” guy (__insert name here__), is the guy who a girl or lady can call to talk on the phone like a chic, the watch a movie together buddy. He’s a person a girl / lady can call and always does whatever she wants, when she wants. He is good to bring along for couples things when she doesn’t want to bring a real date and not actually be a couple. He fits basic requirements for guy friend, he might have to be strung along on light flirting to keep him interested and involved in “friend” activities. The girl who is a friend and definitely not your girlfriend, she may or may not dating anybody but wants a guy to come over, that she can feel connected to but not committed to. They want a guy around who will do anything for them and they don’t have to do anything back. The “guy friend” hopes to date but is just not man enough to be considered dateable.

How Do You Get Out Of The “Guy Friend” Category
First off, stop being soft and tender. Yes your a mommas boy or were probably raised by a single mother but don’t act like you would with your mom as a confidant or buddy / friend. Yes, you have a good relationship with your mother but that’s not dating material, that’s friend material. Yes, your sensitive to women and understanding but don’t act or stop acting like a chic, seriously!

How To Avoid Get In The Friend Category
You must set the tone and pace, don’t let the women lead, and you must take initiative and show interest in dating or courting her. When they want something make them do something in return (don’t freely give). When scratching a need or itch (like company or watching a movie) scratch each others itches (make sure its mutual), do not just scratch hers (and I’m not saying fornication-sex outside of marriage is ok, do not do that it destroys a relationship and friendship). Stop being “ole faithful” if they don’t reciprocate hold out for some return, and only extend as much credit as they payback. Stop giving credit without return investments, give loans that must be paid back or they get no more credit. Stop acting like a buddy or pall and do not talk on the phone for hours, stop being so sympathetic its very pathetic. Do not watch chic flicks with them or talk about them regularly. Do not try to sympathize with their girlie side, your man, and as they say “Man Up!” Keep some mystery and mystique, women like some mystery. Start to pursue them, do not chase or stalk them, don’t haunt them in their nightmares. Don’t engage in long gossip conversations, avoid gossip about co-worker’s, girl friends and guys she dates, or even some loser who she flunks. Fain (fake) disinterest in “girl” topics especially if your interested. Take them to a football or sporting event. Do not take them to WWE? UFC is ok its manly, wrestling is not, its boyish. Do not brag about your JapAnime, Comic Book collection or RPG games, it show’s your childish and not manly. Be up front, state your intentions, ask her on dates, tell her you like her, and show interest. Most importantly act like a man and court her. Don’t be shy or afraid, it shows you’re not serious and don’t want her. Don’t attend any social functions as the “faux” date. You must be on a actual date or don’t do it at all. Keep your manhood in your hands and do not emasculate yourself. And self pleasure does destroy relationships and communication, repent of fantasy lust and don’t do it, it will hurt your relationship.

How Do YouGet Out Of The Friend Category?
Here’s how to stop being a female, “gay” / “metro” / “Chic” dude that she calls her “guy” “friend.” By the way you sensitivity / friend status fulfills her need for a gay or guy friend that many teach is necessary now-a-days in society. Do not be “that” guy. This is what you must do to become a man and to get out of the friend category. First stop being her “chic” / “metro” / “gay” / “guy friend” and do not talk on the phone for hours. Do not hang out all the time, you must be okay with not hanging out, stop being a cling-on. Do not grovel, be a man, men makes messes and act dumb / stupid and its ok. Stop remembering everything, and don’t make anniversary’s for silly things, like the first time yall hung out years ago. Set boundaries and keep them, don’t break them for “faux” flirting or Crocodile tears because they got rejected or want you to cave. You must be a man be firm, do things that don’t make sense and don’t explain them or try to comfort them over your silly manliness, be a man. If their dating someone while your friends, do not be the fall back guy, always have manly excuses “I have a game,” “my buddies are watching the UFC,” etcetera. At all cost do not let them come over and cry on your shoulder, if you do you will never get out of the friend category. Let them recover and when their looking to date again and not desperate or hurting take them on real dates or just disappear for six months who knows you might find a real women or girl friend and everyone can move on. Do not think she will fall in love with your sensitivity, no your the “gay,” “guy chic” “buddy,” man up! When she needs a man, make her come to you, don’t grovel or cling to her. Let her know if she wants to go to diner and movie that its a “date” but don’t think your dating and don’t do it often at first, only once in a while. Make her wait, do not ask her on any dates at first, make her come to you when she needs you or wants a date. The key is waiting until she starts wanting to go on dates more and more, regularly. Wait a little longer until her brain switches and see’s you as a real “man” and a viable date not just a “friend” or “buddy” before you ask her to date. Honestly this may take six month’s to a year or more before you become a viable man not buddy but you can’t put a time frame on a woman’s heart it may take longer or less time depending on the women or how manly you really are. If your serious plan on sticking in for the long haul until her heart changes toward you otherwise plan on being the “gay” guy “chic” friend forever.

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