Vashti, Oh Vashti!

The woman who brought the spirit of contempt for our husbands

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We have all heard of the spirit of Jezebel. How she was a rebellious and evil woman but what about the spirit of Vashti, yes, her spirit was similar to Jezebel she was rebellious and that is the spirit that is unpleasing to G-d.

Why do we let society define our role as women? The American woman is very independent of her husband and can take care of herself. To tell the truth I’m not sure what the man does for the woman now that we have become so self sufficient. We raise kids on our own, we buy houses on our own, we have good careers and lots of education what can a man contribute to us as women. I think women desire companionship and to have a sexual need met, and maybe some extra shopping money but other than that he doesn’t seem to be needed all that much. But that’s the problem in our self sufficiency, we need a man even more. We need the firm guidance and discipline a man gives. We need his spiritual authority and protective covering. We need his love and affection and encouragement. We need his ability to see another side to the situation. We need a hero, the man who stands up for us when everyone else is against us. See when G-d made us he made us very capable of accomplishing a lot in one day. The Proverbs 31 woman rose early and stayed up late. She was a very busy woman who was very productive and her productivity did not elevate her but it elevated her husband amongst men. See us women in America have concluded that our productivity and accomplishments should elevate us and we should be praised in the gates. We have taken the focus of why we do what we do which is take care of our family and home to help relieve our husbands to do what they do best. We want the “Best Wife of the Year” award and for all to see what we have accomplished. We even get to the point where our husbands don’t recognize our gift that think we can do without him altogether and tackle life alone. We live in a very idolatrous society and a lot of American wives have idolized ourselves and our abilities and now we can hardly stand to be married because ultimately my needs aren’t being met and if I’m not happy then no one is going to be happy. I am not saying that all women are responsible for divorce there are plenty of men who initiate and do things to provoke divorce. I am saying that with the liberated woman (my husband calls her the “FemiNazi”) came in lot of self idolization and emasculation of men.

We all love the story of Ruth it reads like a Cinderella fairy tale. The young woman gets to marry the powerful and rich king. Yet we don’t think about Vashti what got her kicked out of the palace. She refused to come to her king when he summoned her well. Of course her husband unlike most of ours is a rich and powerful ruler and if someone looked at him wrong he could just say “off with your head” no questions asked.  But this is different he summoned her to the party, but what’s it matter that she refused one simple dinner party she was in direct rebellion of an order from the king. Now you probably want to say well he’s the king she should have went but wait a minute doesn’t it say we are priests and kings doesn’t that mean our husbands are kings of our homes, hmmm, something to think about.  And then the word “order” is such an ugly word it’s ok for a king or parent to order (an order isn’t always rude or demanding it can be a kind “will you please do this or that”) but a husband I don’t take orders from my husband. It’s a partnership right? We do it together and cast a vote if we disagree right? Where is partnership in the bible, now my husband would like to see us work together as a couple to come to agreement on decisions. But there are times when he has to be the head and yes “call the shots” or better said make the final decision. I know for me this is the most difficult part because I’ve been making decisions, good decisions on my own for so many years and now I have to submit (another ugly word). This means I don’t have to like the decision but I sure have to grin and bear it for the sake of the blessing of peace on our home from accepting him as G-d’s covering for our family. Now back to Vashti did she think she had a right to rebel? Was she Queen and why leave her own party to attend her husbands party? Now I don’t know all of the customs or a queens duty at that time involved but seems like she had a good reason to stay. She was having her party he was having his party why should she leave the guest she was entertaining to go and entertain him. That is like us putting together a house party and our husband asking us to leave and go to dinner with his boss from work. Then the question arises, how long has my husband known about this house party I planned at the house. Why isn’t he on his way home to come to the party that I’ve been planning for months? Is it possible to arrange another dinner meeting with his boss. Obviously this is spur of the moment or I wouldn’t have planned a house party the same night as dinner with his boss, surely his boss should be understanding. My guests are close friends and relatives what would I look like asking them to leave. I can’t throw away all of my hard work because my husband chose to not assert himself and ask his boss to reschedule. These are all legitimate thoughts and questions, right? My understanding of the the biblical concept has grown to realize that a wife of the king was not called a queen like we know European queens who have been elevated to the highest positions of authority. Rather the biblical queen she was there to solely serve the king. Our king is summoning us how will we respond are we ready, willing, and determined to make our man happy or is our agenda much more important.

What about us wives? I can’t be a slave I can’t jump every time he calls I have kids, chores, work, church, and extended family that all need me and pull me in a 100 different directions daily. But who are we married to might I ask? Now we do have a voice in marriage it’s just not the final word and we can gently, tenderly, lovingly ask and communicate our needs and wants. The more loving and gentle I am at communicating my feeling and wants to my husband the more agreeable and ready he is to accept and help me fulfill my wants.

I have struggled with the spirit of contempt of my husband everyday it is a struggle for me. And now that I know what has been released through Vashti’s direct rebellion of her husband and kings orders, then I pray that the kings’ edict become a reality in my home and may my husband the master in our home. Marriage does not have to be unhappy and be and end all but it can be the beginning of a beautiful, wonderful life with your husband and isn’t it better to make the ones around you happy and more than likely they will be glad to make you happy as well.

Amen and shalom.

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